All my friends and girlfriends(?!) are getting married. Looking at them and their
marriages, I tried to figure out why we should really get married for. Do we
have to? Do we need a contract to secure our romance?
Then I realize marriage can add extra bond to shining romance. It is one of the
best results of romance. So why not?
Again looking at my friend's marriages, fights, divorces and suicide attempts, I
realized how unpleasant it can be if it goes wrong. Divorce is not the worst
thing can happen to a marriage, mind you. It is live inside a broken marriage for
rest of your life. I have not tasted the bitterns of it - but I have seen the
faces of my friends who tasted it. That was not pretty.
Here are my top 10 worst reasons to get married (in Sri Lanka). This is not for
Girls by the way. Because girls have total deferent set of reasons I don't want
to address here (or any where else).
10. School Sweetheart.
Your friends tag alone with you in school uniform to see her after school. All
your friends know her. All her girlfriends know you too. When you met your
friends, they ask you about her first. 'yo. maan.. How is she doing?' 'When you
going to get married?' common questions. They all treat you as you are already
married.
Just because all your friends treat you as a married couple you don't have to
marry her. Your marriage is more important than your social identity.
9. Horoscope Match
Horoscope reading is not a good reason to tie the knot. Think your marriage is a
big giant ship (with lot of children screaming and breaking things in it) &
think horoscope as the weather report. A ship can crash in good weather or bad
weather. And no weather report can make perfect predication. Your 'sailing
skills' are more impotent in this case.
8. Matchmaker. Matchmaker. Find me a match.
That can be a professional matchmaker, Sunday news paper 'brides available'
section, a neighbor, a friend's wife, a relative or even a website. Without a
doubt this is the easiest way to find a girl in SL. We have more 'bride and
groom' advertisements on Sunday paper than 'Toyota for sale'. Matchmakers tend
to exaggerate good stuff and hide the bad stuff. It is quite possible to find
something you don't want to hear after it is too late.
It does not matter how you found her, you have to decide your future. Don't keep
any space to blame on matchmaker afterward.
7. She about to finish higher education.
Soon she will be a professional and independent woman. You don't want to take
any risk. Arrange the engagement in her next vacation home and plan to get
married as soon as she finishes her graduate. Not a very bad idea, if your
relationship is an investment. But marriage is not the stock market or method to
secure your relationship.
6. She is pretty
She is the universally accepted girlfriend. Guys may kill each other for her.
But it does not matter how 'right' she is for everyone else - she have to be
right for you. Unfortunately beauty can not keep a marriage live. If she is
pretty, take it only as a bonus - a good bonus.
5. Her parents want you to marry her
When they do, they want it fast. They may come up with reasons like 'She is
getting older', 'She have younger sisters', 'she only have one parent' or 'we
likes you a lot'.
Then they may ask you to meet her at her home, join the family trip, watch the
house when they gone...
Reality is - you are the one getting married. It is your life. Marry the person
you want to be with - not others want you to be with.
4. Your parents want you to marry her
She is the daughter your mother didn't had. Your mom even complains her about
you. Your parents brag about future daughter-in-law with your relatives.
But unless you are
Raymond, your marriage is not your parent's enterprise. Do what is best for
you.
3. It is the correct time
Your friends are getting married. Older siblings are married. Younger siblings
are waiting for your marriage. You higher education finish. You have a
good job,
a
good car. What is next step? Marriage?
Life is not a logically categorized process. Marriage is not a part of a
sequence.
If you thinks your relationship is in correct time - if it is solid and secure -
then you are ready to go.
2. No Escape
She put up with you for long time. She rejected all the proposals - doctors, top
executives and even a guy lives abroad came to SL for get married and go back
before vacation ends. So you want pay her back by marriage for all the
sacrifices.
You can not pay off by marriage if you are not honestly ready to take her as
your soul mate. If she is your soul mate you don't have to pay off. (Those
sacrifices she did ~ that is not only for you by the way.) You don't have to be
sad because she lost all the good proposals. Girls never lose proposals. Her
parents will find another one soon. Payback with your life is not a smart move.
1. Show me the Money!
We don't get chance to choose a rich father. But we get chance to choose a rich
father-in-law. An opportunity of a lifetime!
But a wife can bring more happiness to a person's life than money can. Even
though one should not ashamed of prospective wealth it is not a good idea to
take decision base of on it (Ok.. Ok.. if you Jewish, you can). Look for what
she can bring to your life, not what her father can.
If we are in the wrong marriage, we guys in Sri Lanka always can leave the
misery to the female - and live our life. But still, it is better not to marry
at all than marry the wrong person for wrong reasons and spend endless nights in
the bar getting drunk with mates.
Labels: My Life