Dead Mother, a Letter and Gifts form Canada (Joke)

I received this funny email today. I don't know who wrote this - but this really captures urban Sri Lankan middle class life. If you do not have real experience of true Sri Lankan middleclass lifestyle, then you may not find this funny. In other words if you do not get the funny side of the mail, then you have no idea about true Sri Lankan life.

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A Sri Lankan family in Nugegoda was puzzled when the coffin of their dead Mother arrived from Canada. It was sent by one of the daughters settled in Vancouver.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top, which read as follows:


Dear Nangi,

I am sending our mother's body to you

since it was her last wish that:

She should be buried only in the cemetery of the All Saints Church in Borella - Colombo. And also she told me to tell all of you that you should use A.F. Raymond for embalm works not Barney Raymond or Jayaratne.

For Alms giving she said not to invite the entire town and the distant relatives. She said to order (only for our 4 families) 65 packets of Mutton Biriyani from Hotel Buhari at Maradana and open only 12 bottles of special Arrack for the guys and only one case of Three Coins for the ladies.

One more thing she was very particular about the Hearse, which her coffin should carry from our home to Borella, should be 2002 model Buick Automatic. She doesn't like manual gear old vehicles. DON'T FORGET THESE UNDERLINED REQUESTS ARE FROM HER LAST WISH.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave are consumed and hopefully this time the God will look at us and blessed with a boy. Ajith is working like a Donkey for 20 hours a day for 3 companies to save some money for the dowries of girls..................let's go back to Ammi's funeral business.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ammi's body, 12 cans of Kraft cheese, 10 packets of M&M chocolates, 1 box of Kit Kat, 8 packets of Wrigley's Chewing Gum, 6 tins of Corned beef, 24 packets of Maggie instant noodles and 12 packets each Jelly & Custard powder. Please divide these among all of you.

On Ammi's feet you will find new Pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mangalika. Also, there are 2 pairs of Shoes for Rosy's and Bernard's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ammi is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mangalika and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves.

The 2 new Levi's Jeans that Ammi is wearing are for the boys (lanka & Nilanka). The Swiss watch that Lakmali wanted is on Ammi's left hand. The silver colour bangle on Ammi's right hand is for Lakshmi who became a big girl five years back.

Josephine Aunty, Please, Please remove and take the necklace, earrings and the ring that you are waiting for the past 20 years saying that Ammi had taken twenty five thousand rupees against them for my Akki's wedding. Aunty, I will beg you now to stop telling every one about this money matter. These gold worth more than that and I can get fifty thousand from Hetti uncle if I go to Jayalalitha's.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ammi is wearing must be divided among my teenage nephews.

And also there are 4 Bras Ammi is wearing. Give two to Seelawathi who is our servant lady and the remaining two you can give one to next door Charlet aunty and one to Doby Nenda.

Please distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required let me know, since our Thaththi (Father) is also not keeping well nowadays; so I can send with him the same way. This way is much easy, cheaper and you don't need to worry about customs, too.

Bye,
Akka