Mahinda Rajapaksa Facts

Lot of people asked me who Mahinda Rajapaksa really is. Is he a dictator? Is he a new royalty or is he simply everybody’s uncle? Those are difficult questions. So here I collect some facts about him. Hope you find them interesting.

• Mahinda Rajapaksa can sneeze with his eyes open.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa can delete anything he wants; he can even delete the recycle bin.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa makes onions cry.
• When Mahinda Rajapaksa looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Mahinda and Mahinda.
• Sanath Jayasuriya can throw a ball over 50 yards. Rajapaksa can throw jayasuriya even further.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
• Bullets dodge Rajapaksa.
• If you spell Rajapaksa wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajapaksa? " It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
• Google won't search for Mahinda Rajapaksa because it knows you don't find Mahinda Rajapaksa, he finds you.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa can kill two stones with one bird.
• It takes Mahinda Rajapaksa 12 minutes and 40 seconds to watch Sirasa Ran-Depeya.
• Lysol claims they can kill 99.9% of germs. Mahinda Rajapaksa kills 100 percent of whatever he wants.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Mahinda Rajapaksa was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Ghosts are actually caused by Mahinda Rajapaksa killing people faster than Death can process them.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mahinda Rajapaksa could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa couldn’t enter Mortal Kombat, because Rajapaksa is no mortal.
• Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Mahinda Rajapaksa.
• With the rising cost of Kerosene, Mahinda Rajapaksa is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Mahinda Rajapaksa has allowed to live.
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Mahinda.
• Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Mahinda Rajapaksa is on.
• We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Mahinda Rajapaksa.
• Mahinda doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Ranil Wickramasinghe invented pink.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Elephant House Ginger Beer.
• Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Mahinda Rajapaksa. Mahinda Rajapaksa eats black holes. They taste like string hoppers.
• In a fight between Rama and Ravana, the winner would be Mahinda Rajapaksa.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
• The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Mahinda Rajapaksa” This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Mahinda Rajapaksa turned that wine into beer.
• Mahinda Rajapaksha doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
• When God said, "Let there be light", Mahinda Rajapaksha said, "say please."
• When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Mahinda Rajapaksa for help.
• The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Rajapaksa.
• Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Rajapaksa fight.
• In Sri Lanka there is a legend that a warrior name Mahasona, with a wild boar head and human body rules the dark night. That man is not Mahinda Rajapaksa. Because he killed that man.
• Somawansa is allowed to live because Rajapaksa doesn't kill women.
• Mahinda Rajapaksa does not know about this blog. If he did, he would have just deleted the internet.
• Before become the president, Mahinda Rajapaksha was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
• If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Mahinda Rajapaksha says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
• Mahinda Rajapaksha doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
• Death once had a near-Mahinda-Rajapaksha experience.
• The only time Mahinda Rajapaksha was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

know more Mahinda Rajapaksa facts? Comment section is open!